Unresolved issues, could it be destroying your relationships…
I can recall a friend of mine who was having difficulties dealing with everyday life in peace. She was full of anger and anxiety over every little thing, She would go from 0 to 100 in seconds and just over exaggerate every situation. Yes, she was a Christian. She prayed every day, but she just was not happy.
You see, she had many fights with her mother as a child, and she felt that her mother never loved her or forgave her for her mistakes. So, when she became a Christian she welcomed the love of Christ and accepted His forgiveness over all her sins. She felt that sense of relief knowing she can be at peace with God but little did she know that the estranged relationship with her mother was still an issue that affected her today.
She would overcompensate to win acceptance and approval by the people in her life, and when it was not returned, it would make her feel hurt and then angry, and before you know it, she would distance herself from the same people she wanted to be with. This was a cycle that went on for years.
Then one day when finally at her wit’s end because she could not build any meaningful relationships, she consulted a Christian life coach. During one of those sessions she was asked, “Have you forgiven yourself and forgiven others?” She said, “Of course!” She didn’t think that she was holding a grudge or had any unforgiveness in her heart. Then like a rushing wave breaking over the rocks, emotions poured out of her heart, and she began to sob uncontrollably. Then she told the coach that she could not forgive herself for how she treated her mother and how she could not forgive her mother for disowning her as a child.
After her confession she was guided to the Bible verse in Eph 4:32, “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”
Because God forgives us, we should also. It was hard at first, but she finally excepted forgiveness of herself and forgiveness of her mother. She allowed the Lord to heal her and today she is a happy person who has healthy relationships with others.
How many of us are affected by unresolved issues of our past? Do you think it could be the source of your relationship challenges?
Let’s pray: “Dear heavenly Father, please reveal to me any unresolved issues in my life that are hindering my relationships today. In Jesus name Amen”.
Christian Relationship Coach
Most people get married thinking that just because they have gotten married everything should be smooth sailing, no problems and perfect. Why? Because they love each other right? Unfortunately that is not the case.
Many of us get into relationships with rose colored glasses on. We see everything through those beautiful lenses and everything we see about each other is perfect. But as time goes by we began to see all the flaws and imperfections and our once perfect mate has become a hot mess. Did they change overnight or did the prince become the toad you couldn’t see.
The euphoria of being love is so powerful that it can blind you to some very obvious warning signs and before you know it you’ve been blindsided or hoodwinked. This happens all the time because we love to be loved and romanced. It’s understandable.
I too have gone through that several times and it ended in divorce because I did not take heed to the serious warning signs as I was being sweep off my feet to the alter and then stuck in a crazy marriage. If you find yourself in that situation and you’re now married to someone that has a lot of issues, join the club! No one is perfect. If you want to stay married, you are going to have to put your rose colored glasses back on! Marriage is not for cowards it takes wisdom and serious effort to have a successful one.
If you want to know how to honor your vows to God and have the best marriage possible you have to see your spouse through Love. The unconditional love. “Love covers a multitude of faults.” 1 Peter 4:8
Even though you can’t change him, you can influence him by your chase conversation (behavior). 1 Peter 3:1 God can use you mightily to bless his life as a help meet suitable for him, Genesis 2:18
As the reality of your love assignment settles in, you have to be sober minded and vigilant to the fight, and glorify God in your marriage. 1 Peter 5:8
Through prayer and help from God you can go on to having a blessed and successful marriage that is fulfilling in every way.
Christian Relationship Coach
Song of Solomon 2:15 Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that destroy the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom.”
How many times do we go into self- preservation mode when we feel our self-esteem is threatened or we feel our needs are not being met? Simply put, we are just one thought away from changing our lives for better or for worst.
I can remember the time when a friend and I were having a conversation and she commented on how she felt she had to keep her husband in check because she didn’t want him to take her for granted. I asked her why she felt that way and she replied that he works all week and he decided to go in for a little while on Sat.
Her thoughts… He’s been at work all week it’s my time with him now. Why should I have to wait around for him to come home. I’ll show him that I’m not going to wait around for him. So I’ll go and come back later so he’ll be waiting for me. I’m not going to be at his beck and call….
How many times do we play that game or better yet, allow the enemy to plant those seeds of discontentment in our heart.
As women of God sometimes we forget our marriage is not based on the world’s principles. It’s based on God ‘s principles. “Love”
I Cor 13:4-8 4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;[a] 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
We are not only to serve our husbands and honor him, we are also to be a helper to him. We are on assignment. That is why it is necessary to stay out of self. One little thought of discontentment can open the door to a host of other feelings that can cause the enemy to come in like a flood. This can create a multitude of reactions which will cause a multitude of chain reactions that can lead to divorce.
This analogy happens far too often in relationships. Feelings left unattended, can create continual problems if not dealt with. By acknowledging and turning it over to God is the best practice. Allow him to help you resolve and heal from any issues you have first. Then once you see clearly, you can pray for your husband and allow God to use you to be a help for him. Matt. 7:5
Here are a few tips to help keep your relationship healthy:
3. Bring all thoughts to captivity of Christ. When the thoughts come, the correct response should be based on truth and with a grateful heart.
2Cor:10:5 “ Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;”
4. Renew your mind.
Roman 12:2. “Do not be conformed to this world,[c] but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”
5. Think on these things….
Phil 4:8-9 “ Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. 9 What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.”
6. Pray for one another.
James 5:16 “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”
Marriage is not for the faint hearted. It takes a discerning mind, a humble heart and lots of prayer to be the woman of God you need to be. At the end of the day, Love wins!
May God be your strength!
Christian Relationship and Business Coach,